God is Watching – a Smokey Pear Anise Mocktail

a creamy golden mocktail in a stemless martini glass, backed by the pitcher from whence it came.

OK, so I was having a hard time naming this mocktail. I google “pear jokes”, and find jokes4us.com, which has a whole page of them. Last on the page was this one:

“At lunch time in the cafeteria there was a pile of pears on a tray, and the teacher put a note: take only one, remember, god is watching. A little bit further down the line there was a pile of cookies, and a child had put a note on it: take as many as you want, god is watching the pears.”

If I was God, I would drink this mocktail for sure. I would weirdly use bottled pear juice as opposed to fresh, because fresh pear juice turns brown really really fast, but it’s up to you. I would also suggest you not steep the tea longer than I say. I am a God of free will, but really I do know best.

The God is Watching Recipe

  • 8 oz anise-infused Lapsang Souchong tea (see below)
  • Star Anise for the tea (2/cup of tea brewed)
  • 8 oz pear juice
  • dusting of cinnamon sugar

To brew the tea: for every 1 cups of boiling water use 1 tsp of tea, ideally in a tea ball, in a warmed teapot. Let it steep for 4 minutes. Remove the tea ball, or strain the tea if you’ve just thrown it all together. Add 2 star anise for every cup of water you used. Let cool.

To make the drinks: Mix pear juice and anise-infused Lapsang in a pitcher of ice. Pour into glasses, sprinkle with cinnamon sugar. Makes 2 drinks, but scale away.

What to do with any left over anise-infused tea? It tastes great on its own over ice. The anise seems to sweeten it somehow, but add agave if you like.

Lapsang Souchong tea with 2 star anise floating in jam jar on a silver platter, surrounded by loose tea and star anise.

Original Sin – a Lapsang Rose Mocktail

a small bronze coloured teapot with 2 tea glasses, each containing an Original Sin mocktail over ice.
Some would argue it is sinful to serve an iced drink in a tea cup…………whatevah dahling, serve it however you like.

Lapsang Souchong is thought by many to be the original black tea. It is smoked over a pinewood fire giving it its distinctive love-it-or-hate-it flavour. It was the smokiest tea I could find, and I was convinced it would go well with tonic – so much so I was in fact quite peeved that it did not. (Mind you, I think everything’s going to go well with tonic.)

But I got over it and learned the following: a) the way you make this tea is super important – do not steep it longer than 4 minutes or it starts to taste like rubber and b) the smokiness goes really well with sweet rose

The Original Sin Recipe

  • 1 oz Rose Water
  • 4 tsp. Agave syrup
  • 10 oz of cooled Lapsang Souchong tea (as brewed below)

Put all in shaker over ice. Shake with extra vigour to ensure the agave mixes well, and serve over ice. Serves 2.

To brew the tea: for every 3 cups of boiling water use 3 tsp of tea, ideally in a tea ball, in a warmed teapot. Let it steep for 4 minutes. Remove the tea ball, or strain the tea if you’ve just thrown it all together. Let cool.

If you are Satan and prefer stronger tea – do not steep longer! add more tea instead. Well, unless you’re Satan and you want a drink called Rubber Hose, which might be fun…….if you’re Satan. (Turns out the longer you steep it, the more it tastes like rubber)

a yellow Chinese tea pot on a silver platter.